Another long term change

Randy and I had the opportunity to have an afternoon alone. We went and ran some errands and then went to lunch. Jennifer had gone with her sister Christmas shopping. As we ordered our food we were talking about some of the things we are doing in the backyard. It was then that Jennifer called on Randy's cell phone. She sounded excited and was talking really fast, Randy was struggling to understand her and all he got was "Call Kim". He then tried to call Kim but no one answered, then he tried to call Jenn back and it went right to voice mail. I think prior to 2000, I would have thought something like, they need to ask us a shopping question about Christmas or something like that. I would have taken the normal course of assumption which goes from A to B then to C. We wouldn't have panicked or probably even been overly concerned. But now, it seems like we go from A to Z. From calm to panic in one leap. I sat at the table as Randy called over and over trying to get ahold of one of the girls. I could see the deep concern on his face and I was feeling my stomach start to roll. My heart was pounding in my chest and I said "did it sound like they were in an accident?" How would we find them if they were hurt? Randy kept on calling as our lunch arrived, by now we were not feeling hungry and we were both trying to stay calm and rational. That was taking all of our will power. Finally Randy got ahold of Kim, Jen was just trying to tell us her cell phone battery was dying and if we needed to call her we needed to call Kim's cell phone. AHHHHHHHH. We sat at the table after that, talking about what we were thinking and how we were feeling. We talked about why it was we immediately panic now. We both agreed that once you have walked down that road you now have a real understanding of how terrible it can be. Before we only imagined how aweful it could be, now we really know and we don't think we could handle another trauma like that. Its fear, fear that we think we've tamed yet rears its ugly head at a moments notice and trys to strangle us. Ughhhh Will we ever get over it? Will we ever think normal thoughts during times like this or will we always think the worst? Will we ever get a grip on the fear or will the fear always have a grip on us? Logically, spiritually we agree that to worry and fear things is wrong, yet our hearts can't hear our brains.

Working on my cards

Trying to stay inside as not to breathe too much smoke. I am still working on images for my Christmas cards this year. I also painted this for fun, I do several samples then pick my favorite. I am not thrilled with it so might do it again. The model is Guilli, from Watercolor Haven. He is a wonderful member and we love his face to paint. He has so much character and he seems so happy. I tried to make him Santa here. The glasses are off and I want it to be a bit looser. This painting business is all about the sucesses and failures and all those painting in between. I share all, good or bad, know it is a learning process that never ends but continues to transform.

It continues as do the prayers

The fires continue today, the death toll is climbing as they find more bodies in the ash. Its so sad, I am sure the stories of these homeowners trying to defend their property will be next. I like the stories, I like when they take an obscure statistic, a number, a let us know the person, because then we can feel the pain. I remember when Jenn was admitted, they didn't know who she was, she was admitted a Jane Hydro Doe. Jane Doe number 8 and I feared she would become just a number to them. I spent a lot of time trying to bring her to life for these nurses so they would know how much she was loved. So they would treat her like the precious gift she was. The numbers they keep telling us about, the fire victims, or our soldiers, are more than just statistics, they are all stories. Stories of loved ones lost.

The sky hung in smoke today, it glowed an eerie yellow/gray color. The air quality is so poor they advise us to not be outside and working or exercising. I am running the air to keep the house clear for Jenn's poor lungs. This is the first day I am having a problem breathing, what must it be like on the front lines! Lord, bring relief for these men and women that risk their lives to save ours. Bless them and keep them safe. Wrap your arms around those who have lost so much and let them know your comfort.

FIRE!!!

We are on fire, not us personally but so many around us. I feel so bad as I watch the total destruction around me. Our families have been touched, some evacuated, some losing homes. How can you watch a lifetime of things and memories disappear as you look on. This fire, raging out of control is consuming everything in its path, filling the air with black, unbreathable smoke. The firemen look so small as they battle this goliath. Their jobs seem impossible as the fire snakes and moves all around them. They attack with hoses, and shovels, small stones in the scheme of things, yet they keep at it. So many victims, so many heros, so many stories. I have lived here my entire life and never witnessed anything this bad. Lord, be with all these families, the firemen, the hospitals. Give them the strength they need to fight this monster and win!

I sketched this quickly, not looking at a picture, only seeing the scenes play over and over in my mind. It is the second sketch in my new book.

I've been TAGGED!

I was tagged by Maria-Dom, I am supposed to write 7 random things about myself and then tag seven people. I am tagging Marta, Wendee, Teri, Ronnel , Robin , Sheri, and Diahn please forgive me if you have been tagged already.

Ok, let me think, 7 random things:

1. I love the look of well lit interiors of houses at night, its so inviting and homey. You get a glimpse of whats inside and I like to imagine who lives there.

2. I hate rude and bully husbands that like to talk down and belittle their wives or kids in public, thats the only time I wish I was a big, strong man.

3. I used to feel so bad I had my kids, so young, so close but now I am so glad! I love how close everyone is and how we are still young enough to enjoy them and the grandkids!!!

4. I love all mediums in art and cant seem to settle in on just one!

5. One of my favorite things is when my husband rubs me softly, my head and ears, its helps put me to sleep on those stressful nights.

6. I am glad I don't own a gun, since designating myself as the handicapped police. There are many people I would have liked to shoot watching them flip me off or cuss me out because I tell them they shouldn't park in these spots when they are not handicapped!

7. I have always wanted to be blonde or cut my hair really short and do something totally crazy, but I am too much of a chicken.

It's my birthday!!!

Yes, another year has snuck by me and I can't believe I am getting this old!!! I don't feel this old!!! I awoke to my coffee steaming next to my bed, filling the room with that wonderful smell. As I opened my eyes I saw an envelope resting near the cup, I opened a card from my husband with lots of loving things written inside, and a starbucks card. I thought to myself this is going to be a wonderful birthday, it is starting out so great. Jenn went off in the bus and I was able to get on line to get emails and I had a cold little one line birthday acknowledgment from my brother. I had an appointment for my hair at noon and I hadn't recieved one call from anyone. Where are all this kids I raised, giving them the best years of my life and now I am not worth a phone call. The mail came and there was one card, from my mom. Wow, my husband and my mom thats pathetic, I can't believe it, everyone forgot about me! AHHHHH Off to get my hair done and when I opened the car door my husband had another present and card, oh thank God for him. On the way home I get a call from my daughter& son, ok, things are getting better. Then I got home to flowers and lots of messages, then my other brother called, then my sister, my mom, Randy's mom and dad, his brothers wife...... ohhhh how wonderful to be remembered! When I retrieved my messages off the answering machine Marta had called from Europe WOW. She wished I was there and I missed her voice. What a great day, we went to dinner and the last of my kids calls then when I got home a giant balloon was on the door with a card from another girlfriend. I had the best birthday, it doesn't seem to matter how old we get, its so wonderful to be remembered!

I made my first mark

I finally christened my first hand made watercolor sketch book. I have been working on a watercolor project at Watercolor Haven, autumn leaves. I used leaves and made my first entry. This project is really fun. You take colors you feel represent fall and then you do a light wash, after it drys or is close you paint the leaf and press it to the paper. You can add more color, water etc for interesting and fun results. I love some of these so much I am framing them.

I'm SOOO EXCITED!

I just recieved the postcard mailing for the Visions Art Show, its a art quilt show that my quilt was juried into. It will run from November to January. I have always wanted to have a quilt accepted into this show, it is just art quilts and they hang in a museum just like an art show in a gallery. This will be their first juried artquilt show in their new building in downtown San Diego. When I got the mail today I noticed that I had a packet from them, when I opened it I found postcards to mail my friends and family for the opening reception. On the front of the card was 3 quilts, mine was one of the three. Wow, this is there big advertised mailing of the event and I am one of the quilts on the postcard going out to everyone, I am sooo excited. Anyway, I wanted to share it. YIPPEEE

Home again

I got home safely but I was in such a bad mood getting home. I think its that coming off the mountain let down. I enjoyed having some time to myself and it was hard to get back to my reality. I was really getting into a good pity party when I figured I best stop now or end up in the black hole of despair. I don't know why I would be feeling like that. I had just spent the last three days playing, laughing, sewing, being cooked for, someone making my bed and cleaning our room each morning. HMMMMM

The weekend was fun and we laughed so hard my sides hurt. I can't remember the last time I laughed like that! Oh my, what a story, to long to share but Ursula and Marta know what I am talking about here. Marta, Dawn and I all shared a room. Dawn got us a gift bag of bath goodies which she put on our nightstand. Then everynight she read to us until we fell asleep. Wow, that was the best! Thanks Dawn! Her voice was like music that just quietly lulled us to sleep. On Saturday we walked down to the main street and had breakfast on the patio while the mexican women that worked there made fresh tortillas. Saturday night the whole group went to a resturant we go to each year and had a wonderful dinner. I got alot of quilting done, Marta taught us all to bind books and Dawn knitted Christmas gifts for her hubby. It felt as though our friendly group was a bit clicky this trip. I know there was some tension with some of the women in the group and I just wish we could all just get along!!! I volunteered to have the Christmas party at my house on the 7th so I need to get busy and finish the yard! I will post my new sketch book tomorrow. I love it, it turned out so great, I have yet to sketch in it. LOL It seems to be so hard to make that first mark.

San Diego here I come

Well its that time of year again, retreat time. There is a great group of women that get together twice a year for a retreat, one in Big Bear, one in San Diego, we call them camps. We don't really camp though,this is where we stay, you can see that we are really roughing it during our visit here. It is in downtown so there are many great shops and places for foodies to get a fix. Marta and I and Dawn are sharing a room, should make for lots of laughs. Marta leaves for Europe right after camp, plus she is teaching a class, if I were her I would be a bit stressed. But if you look at her blog you can see she is ultra organized with all of her outfits drawn out in her sketchbook! I will miss you GF. See you tomorrow!

Fall

I love the feeling and colors of fall. We are just starting to see the effects of the cooler nights. I look forward to the trees blooming in reds and oranges right before the go into their hybernation til Spring. I think the thing I don't look forward to is the time change, the night and darkness arriving so early in the day. It isn't uncommon for us to work outside until almost 9pm in the summer. It will take some getting used to, the upside is that I get dinner prepared at a better hour! Pumpkins are filling all the stores now, the stands are starting to get prepared, the harvest is at hand.

My girlfriend when to Oak Glen yesterday for the apples, they are harvesting them now too. They sell home made apple pies, fresh apples, applesauce, and lots of other country treasures. I want to go this year. Instead I am heading to San Diego for quilting and painting with many dear friends, I am looking forward to a relaxing weekend by the ocean, in the perfect weather, with friends, sewing and painting. Yippee I hope I can focus and get something done, I have this bad habit of being so excited to be able to just sew that I bring too many projects, then I can't pick which one to work on and just end up jumping around. This time I am picking one or two and thats it!!! Yeah right.

My copper pot

We were challenged at the Watercolor Haven to paint rust. I found an old copper pot that I have always loved and decided to see if I could recreate all the layers of color on this pot. It might be a bit overworked but I plan on painting it again. I have to wonder if this was ever really used for coffee or was it always just a decoration. This project made me think about rust and what happens to things that rust. (Painting allows for these weird inner experiences) I think that a rusty pot is far more interesting to paint than a perfect one, the rust adds color and personality to the pot. Its like in our own lives. Rust is like aging, some look more beautiful with some age and personality. I would much rather paint the picture of a older person who is wearing their life experiences on their faces than a model. Like my old copper pot, the rust and chemical changes to the metal have given it a beautiful patina, I hope I age a wonderfully.

Missy P

My girlfriend got her daughter a new puppy some months ago. I have been wanting to paint this adorable bassett hound who tripped over her own ears everytime she tried to walk. Here feet were so big and those long ears, too cute. I haven't painted her and I saw that cute puppy recently, not so cute anymore, WHAT HAPPENED! So goes pet ownership. LOL. She is still a wonderful, loving dog and they love her. I decided to start painting these cute puppy pictures before anymore time passes! I used to paint so many animal pictures when Jennifer managed the shelter and worked for the vet. So many subjects, so little time.