Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Everyday things we take for granted.


Another hard day yesterday, the post op check was not good news and the fact that Jennifer may have to have more surgery or a permenant trachea left me in tears all the way home, almost 3 hours. My eyes were so swollen that they burned when I tried to read something. It made me feel so helpless and frustrated it seems enough to have gotten this far, can't we get a break. When the doctor spoke the words of more surgery, and a possible trachea again I could feel my eyes burn as I fought the tears back. Jennifer doesn't really see the bigger picture or think through all the issues. I think its a brain injury thing, which probably is a blessing. She is just resigned to the fact that it is what it is and she will have to deal with it. I find it amazing that she tried to comfort me on our drive home, assuring me she wasn't going to die. Then thanking me for caring about her. That almost made it harder, to think about how brave she is, what she has had to endure and how she just can't seem to move forward. Anyway, it made me think about those everyday things that we do that we all take for granted. The simpliest of things that don't require any real thought like breathing, rolling over, going to the bathroom, grabbing something to eat, scratching an itch, or brushing our hair. All things we do all day long, without being too appreciative of them. Yet, once you can't do them, once those simple things become monumental feats you realize just how complex they really are. How lucky we are to be able to do them. Its like the saying, you don't realize how good it feels to feel good until you are sick. I find a sad irony in the fact that the thing that once kept her alive is now threating her life!


Although yesterday my spirit was crushed and bruised , I am always thankful for the dawn of a new day. When my energy is renewed and my body is willing to fight again for her quality of life. I don't mean to sound special, or like I am handling something harder than many of you are dealing with, because I am not. I find that so often most people are dealing with a lot of sadness that they never share. So I pray that I will try and be extra nice to people I meet today just incase they are struggling to get through the day and fighting back the tears too!

8 comments:

Serena said...

I had to take my glasses off to wipe away the tears after reading your post. As a mother, I can sympathise with what you are going through. I'm so sorry the news wasn't good but there is no doubt in my mind that you are strong enough to get through this. Despite her brain injury, Jennifer's words are actually quite profound..."it is what it is". She is one very brave, young lady indeed. All you can do is choose the best option possible for Jennifer and have faith that it will work out for the best. Regardless of what you choose, know this....if a worse outcome happens, it won't be your fault because, all along, you have had Jennifer's best interests at heart. Keeping you in my prayers ~ (((Hugs)))

E-J said...

Such a sensitive, delicate drawing of the tweezers.

I'm sorry you are having to face something so dreadful.

Ai said...

I think everything is under God's hand and you have done the best you can to take care of Jennifer. She sure is a brave young lady. I pray to God for you to have endless strength to go through such daunting time.

Sandy said...

God Bless you both. You are strong women and determined to make it through. You are in my prayers

Sandy said...

Hugs to you and Jennifer...this is rough!

sandy

no way said...

Beautiful drawing and beautiful writing. Your thoughtful approach to this situation is a great strength, and you are so right about taking the smallest everyday tasks for granted. Health is such a precious thing.

Take care of yourself and your family.

mARTa said...

Like I said, you can ring me anytime. All I can do is listen but often, that's all we need. It's time soon for a glass of sangria and a good pity party don't you think? hugs/kisses to you and Jen.

Margaret Ann said...

You have deep sensitivity and awareness and a beautiful spirit...both as an artist and as a person. Your story touches me deeply...my prayers and thoughts are sent your way...

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