Friday, September 05, 2008

Where does the time go?!

August seems to have flown by, rushing through as though it didn't want to be noticed but as it leaves I think, "there goes summer". September always brings things like school, a breather before the holidays and fall. The start of color, shorter days and cooler weather, hopefully. I have done so much this summer, more than I can remember doing since before Jenn's accident, I feel like my life is slowly evolving again. I haven't had much time to call my own or do what I want since 2000, but this summer seemed to have been filled with pockets of time to call my own. I find that its hard to know how to feel, I know that Jenn both suffers and benefits from my little selfish diversions. I know I need a life too, yet I can't help but feel guilty that because she is totally dependent on me for most things, if I am not there, she has to wait or go without. Its never very serious, just sad. So in that lies the guilty feelings I get at night when I think of the things I didn't do for her today because I was doing something for me. Ohhhh, how did I get off on this, enough, just stop...... someone slap me. OK to move on...

I have been painting pastels and another trip to my moms, so special, that time together. We all had a great time, we picked, canned and ate blackberry jam. Picked and canned pesto, went wine tasting at all the local vineyards, and collected glass from Glass beach! I took hundreds of pictures and have lots of good stuff to paint. I will post soon. My mom is amazing, and although she is in pain she never stops. Jennifer spent afternoons with her in the garden, enjoying all my moms hard work.

I finished my bird pastel I started in class, and finished another one that I entered into a pastel show. LOL Its not good enough to get in but it made me get myself out there. I need the deadlines. I am trying to fit it all in, I want every second of time to be stuffed with life!


Cathy Gatland said...

I firmly believe you have to take care of you, in order to take care of others - chase those guilt feelings off!
Your bird pastel in close up is astounding! Those little light-tipped feathers and the expression in his eye are just so life-like.

Deb said...

Fantastic Bird pastel! Wow!

mARTa said...

I think we are due for another spa day!!! This is a beautiful painting. When can I come by to see????????

Call me!

Ai said...

I also agree that you have to feel happy before you can go out to the world and make the world happy. Pls. don't feel guilty. I am sure Jenn. would love to see you what you love too, especially all your art works are so gorgeous. I can't believe how you did the delicate feather and the reflection in the eyes. Super.

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